Updated: Mar 21, 2020

What a freaking time to be alive...

It's been a week since I started social distancing. School was cancelled last Friday, and this week I was on spring break... I was excited for spring break because shit's been real confronting over the last few months. I was really hopeful for this time, and gave myself permission to just be still...staying home over this week has given me time to recognize and work through the different feelings that have been coming up (shoutout to amethyst, rose quartz, black obsidian, and all the other crystals I've been laid up in).

I learned this week how much I value and NEED solitude. I am surprised and a bit conflicted about how happy I am to not have to "people" all the damn time. I am reminded of just how overstimulating life can be, and how important it is to support myself by holding space, resting, creating, or working.

In this week, it's become really clear to me how important it is to be able to manage my emotions independently (side note, I miss my therapist right now lol). Conversely, I've also learned how much I feel frustrated by people who manage their emotions differently, or who unconsciously reach out to me seeking connection for the sake of processing their emotions (without respecting boundaries). Anxiety looks different for every person. Some folks have no visible reaction, some people are news-binge crazy, and others are running around with doomsday delirium. Whether corona is man-made or natural, whether it is a means of biological warfare or circumstances of poor healthcare infrastructure, seeing anxiety show up in so many ways made me grateful for the opportunity to isolate.

I do recognize how this kind of isolation can strengthen or suppress the root and heart chakra (how our bodies energetically interpret security and safety, unconditional love and support). I empathize on so many levels with how this time is providing us the space to confront the very things that we become imprisoned by (because they seem secure or comfortable). These jobs, entrepreneurial endeavors, and otherwise seemingly invincible institutions are literally yielding to Mother Earth, and we are now examining what we value/love/need.

I see how with so many secure structures crumbling or being brought to an abrupt halt, many people are seeking connection, craving comfort, and intimacy...anything to feel stable. Although these things are beautifully necessary, I think that if we are not taking the time to self-reflect, rest, and decompress from all the happenings, then these connections beyond the chaos, are not sustainable.

Someone made a remark to me about how although I prefer this solitude, there are so many people who are choosing to quarantine with their loved ones, families, and significant others. I wanted to fucking scream. I definitely recognize that my perception of what family/community looks like is not typical, however, for myself, I really feel like this time is a great time to develop individual ability to process feelings, fears, and thoughts.