Updated: Feb 23
I'm in a really funky space with this grad school shit. I feel, on one hand, responsible for calling out institutionalized bullshit and advocating for myself/my future. On the other hand, I am over speaking up, especially because it tends to lead to isolation, rejection, or retaliation.
Now, although I can reframe this to recognize the how isolation and rejection tend to be gifts in the long run, I still use therapy and innergetic/ancestral work hand in hand to help me live authentically.
Since I'm currently having a time with throat chakra and solar plexus shit, I'm glad that I have a therapist that is familiar with how energy/astrology/ancestry all intersect with regards to my mental health...like.... the way that my natal Mercury and Mars are set up in Scorpio, communication and conflict are themes that often feed into one another for me. Typically, my thoughts, or how I express them create conflict, which then contributes to discomfort or destruction, and eventually rebirth. This pattern, as it happens, sometimes creates crippling ass feelings of anxiety... *which is a sign that I'm on to something within myself*
The throat chakra rules our ability to express our truth AND to hear the truths of others. When the throat is imbalanced, you may be unwilling or unable to effectively communicate or feel heard. When looking at your natal chart, explore how your own natal Mercury contributes to your throat chakra's expressions. For example, my Mercury in Scorpio is sometimes attributed to mystery, dishonesty or deceptive language, hiding information, etc. Often times, I find that my own hesitation to share my authentic thoughts is deeply connected to my fear of saying the "wrong" thing and upsetting someone and being punished/rejected (inner child shit forreal). Grad school is granting me AMPLE opportunity to grow beyond that innergetic blockage, and to give myself permission to express myself without being afraid.
The solar plexus chakra houses our willpower and determination, along with our logical intuition, and self-esteem. When the solar plexus is imbalanced, you may feel insecure of your capabilities or conversely, have inflated and inaccurate beliefs about your abilities. When looking at your natal chart, explore your natal Mars placement, and ask yourself how does it align with or challenge your solar plexus expression? Because both my Mercury and Mars are in the same sign (and house), I often have to acknowledge how my communication and perception contribute to conflict (or opportunities to express myself authentically without feeling like I have to fight). More specifically, I am currently exploring how my suppressed voice contributes to my hyperagression...When I feel unheard or invalidated, I choose to be destructive. This is neither good nor bad... it just is. It is, however, important to me to be able to recognize how my Mars/Mercury/throat and solar plexus contribute to my primal ass reactions. It's important for me to recognize how I choose to utilize my Scorpion destructive power, so that I can consciously destroy what no longer serves me to make room for new life.
I be ready to argue and be verbally abusive in these grad school streets lol...
...but my therapist dropped this gem that's helping me discover more about my communication...
when feeling feisty, unheard, combative, or destructive... and getting ready to pop off...ask these three questions...
Does it need to be said?
Does it need to be said by me?
Does it need to be said by me right now?
I've been sitting with these for three days, and it's already making all the difference.